Lies to Myself
by Flameomustang
Summary: Nana belongs with Ren but is she meant for Yasu?


Lies to Myself

* * *

><p>I always held my pride in saying that I would be happy on my own without being in a relationship. Is it time to swallow my pride? I've always been happy with Ren but at the same time I felt that I'd be able to live on without him. Lately I've been lonely, even with him by my side. I love Ren but when I'm with him it feels like something's missing. I'm not as complete as I used to be.<p>

I thought I knew what I wanted. I have time to spend with Ren now yet I feel an emptiness inside when we're together. The love is there but where's the happiness? I want to be with him so why am I thinking this way? If I let him go will I really be able to last on my own? Why do I want to be alone? I wouldn't throw away Ren's love like garbage so why am I even considering leaving him? We'd both be heartbroken...

Yasu. I love you Yasu like a brother, a father even. He's always been here for me to rely on. I don't want to rely on him forever but I'm so comfortable knowing that he's here with me. My shoulder to cry on, my back for support. I know he cares for me deeply and I care for him. I care for him tremendously.  
>This empty feeling I get when I'm with Ren subsides when I'm with Yasu. In fact it completely disappears. I don't love Yasu. No, I can't love Yasu. I think I do. I do. That thought doesn't worry me, it only makes me comfortable with this situation. I want to love Yasu because I know he loves me.<p>

Ren will never understand. I barely do myself. He would never forgive me. I don't think I'd forgive myself...

Last night I went to see Ren. We sat on his bed in silence. I told him something was wrong and I needed to set things right, and I got up and left. He followed me out to the hallway but I turned my back on him and walked away. He turned me around and looked into my eyes. He looked hurt. He knew what I was thinking and how I felt. I could see that he was holding back tears.

"Nana. Don't. Don't leave me. I need you. I need you." he kept saying. I could feel my eyes getting misty and took a few steps back.  
>"I sorry. I'm sorry." I kept repeating. How could I do this? It was cold hearted and shallow. I couldn't even tell him why I was leaving him? That's the least I could've done. But if I had told him the truth, why I couldn't be with him anymore, it would only make things worse.<p>

I went straight to Yasu's house. I knocked and when he answered I fell into his arms crying. He caught me like he always did and closed the door. We sat on the bed together and he patted my back.  
>"Nana what's wrong? It's ok just tell me."<br>I tried to focus on getting the words out of my mouth but they were stuck. What had I done? Why did I always drag Yasu into everything? Well this time it was actually because of him that I was acting so foolish. I hugged him tight and he hugged me back.  
>"What is it? Nana-" I put my lips to his and he didn't flinch. He leaned in and held my hand.<br>"I told Ren- I - I told him that-" I couldn't speak. Yasu squeezed my hand.  
>"Nana. I- this- uh." he frowned. <em>No. No he couldn't possibly be rejecting me….? No. No I know he loves me. I know it. <em>I began to cry harder. Yasu kissed me again. So he does. He does? Please Yasu love me. I love you.  
>"Well there's no hiding it any longer. I only kept it hidden because of Ren. You didn't have to leave him. You should have waited. He was going to marry you. That would've been best." he said.<br>"But, that's not what I want." I told him. These words of his, passed through me and I felt guilty. Horribly guilty. "I was wrong wasn't I? I was stupid. He hates me. I hate myself. Yasu why am I so stupid?" I cried in his arms.  
>"You're not so stupid for telling me how you feel." he smiled slightly. "Now you'd be really stupid if you didn't tell me you loved me." I smiled now.<br>"I love you Yasu. I can say that without being drunk."

* * *

><p><strong>I love love looooovvvvve Nana Osaki and Yasu! :D<br>NANA+YASU NANA+YASU NANA+YASU = HORRAY!  
><strong>


End file.
